After last week’s confusing and weird paranormal event with both
VHS movies, I wanted to discuss
something that would bring me back to some sort of sanity. I returned once more
Netflix’s B-Movie section on the quest to find that golden relic. What do I
come across as I travelled this darkened and evil path? A movie named Two Headed Shark Attack.
What doesn’t
attract attention with a name like that? The answer is simple: NOTHING! My
overly produced testosterone forced me to watch this. Behold this behemoth as
it munches and crunches its way through SyFy’s weekly pick of victims. Which
victims, my fellow whales? It’s another set of college students on a class about
being on boats, wielding such unique weaponry as bikinis and douchebags. These students
battle the monster by screaming, running in a small sinking island and doing
every monster movie cliché in the book. Thank the gods they are being led by
Jerry O’Connell’s brother, Carmen Electra and Brooke Hogan. Otherwise, they’d be
screwed and they would undoubtedly get massacred. How GLORIOUS can this movie
be? It features a woman fighting the two-headed monster, mano a mano. If you picture
that one scene, you’ll know that it made me hail Epicness! Truly people, that
scene alone made the entire movie worthwhile, even if I cried blood for having watched
it in the first place.
Two Headed Shark Attack.
Dr Sparta’s Treatment for those looking to witness something
idiotically awesome at some point in their life.
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