Series Review: Naked Gun

By. Dr.Sparta

 

It has been awhile, my fellow Whales and Whalettes. Let us rejoice in the likes of comedy, or its heart shattering downfall. Let us enjoy the days of real comedy, the type that made you laughed and not coughed in embarrassment...  as the modern era “comedy” delivers yet another bad pop culture reference. This is the Naked Gun series. 

Where to begin with this masterpiece? To compare it to the likes of current day comedies is quite puzzling, my brothers and sisters. Ahhh I got it! Naked Gun is actually funny. Yes it has its dated references here and there, but it hits the film noir type enough for it to be quite smart. 

Each reference made by Lieutenant Frank Drebbin, our resident quote machine of EPICNESS, can be written down and repeated at some point in your lives. This hilarious character, played by non-other than the late Leslie Nielsen, will curse any unsuspecting viewer with a quote spewing frenzy that will only be cured by watching the following sequel, which will then make you spew its quotes. Upon the third movie you will realize you are doomed to a life of quote giving madness that will most likely turn you into a cop, a soldier, or a character from Sin City. My fellow Whales and Whalettes, the curse is worth it, dig in. 

It is writing in its GLORY and it deserves respect. For this movie will easily slay all other “funny” movies from modern times with their horrible attempts at obvious jokes and racist stereotypical behavior, take their weak rotten carcasses and tear them limb from limb to spread the word that good comedy has a champion to defend humor once more. Brothers and sisters how much more can we stand yet another movie with a “movie” title name at the end. Or another joke about something really heavy falling on that year’s celebrity. Whenever you feel empty after watching such maddening putrid excuse of humor, remember Naked Gun exists. That’s it for today Whales and Whalettes. This is Dr. Sparta, trying to cure comedy from a seriously bad rash, FOR THEIR GLORY!

Sharknado Apocalypse is Near

by Dr. Sparta

My fellow whales, I've already tackled sharks before. I've seen two-headed sharks, ultra-violent sharks in Australia, but tornado-riding sharks are a first and a truly exhilarating experience. For the glory of its impossible, explosive, illogical return, I will take on both Sharknados.

Where could I even start with this epic, senseless, brutal tale, where people drive helicopters into shark-filled tornadoes to blow them up and save Los Angeles?. A man freezes a tornado on top of the Empire State Building and flies into the shark-filled skies wielding a chainsaw, slicing through a shark that eats him midair. Then he proceeds to grab a chain and ride another shark onto the top of the skyscraper shielding his fall from death. Yeah my whales, that is a true story within the movies. Granted, for all the good and refreshing things, they brought “Sharknado 2: The Second One”, and by what they presented, it made me think they forgot their roots; replacing some essentials with EPICNESS, which is NOT necessarily a GLORIOUS thing.

I do not believe in going into small details to decide over something, but the first Sharknado had its local area feel, with good characters. It had a white background for whenever they shielded inside their transports. “Sharknado 2: The Second One”, starts off the bat with a bombardment of cameos. All sorts of people unexpectedly pop up, bringing shame to themselves for ever being in something as WONDROUS as a Sharknado movie. My biggest complaint was Kurt Angle as a gentle fireman? He served no purpose being in that cameo. It felt unnecessary for that to have taken place, but no movie is without its flaws so I cannot complain or nitpick such an outstanding SyFy movie. 

My dear whales, if you like cheap outstanding, stupefying, outrageously ridiculous, and GLORIOUS pieces of work, then watch the Sharknado movies. They are a tale to witness, a force to be felt…A sight to be glued onto your brains. In all seriousness, Sharknadoes in New York? What’s next? This is Dr. Sparta, looking for chainsaws, shotguns, homemade bombs, and liquid nitrogen for the impending Sharknado Apocalypse... That’s it for today!

Netflix Addiction: X-Men

By Dr.Sparta

 With “X-men: Days of Future Past” coming in very soon, I can’t help but think of all the different X-men shows I’ve seen. There has been, what my guts tell me to be, a thousand different versions, some way better than others. The one that always seems to storm my brain’s beaches is X-men Evolution. Truly I ask, why do a lot of people despise this show so much?

   My brothers and sisters, this show brought everything the X-men formula had to bring, yet again and again people did not approve of the story or the characters. Was it how the show was delivered? Was it because they were in a type of high school now? I don’t get it. The action was intense, the stories were BRUTAL at times. Granted it would get a bit on my manly nerves at times, but it couldn’t have been that since it only happened a few times.

   I am saddened whales and whalettes that this show didn’t get the recognition it deserved for being the entertaining beast that it truly was. Yet it stands up even now, almost a decade and a half later. Not remembering the horrible third installment to the film franchise “The Last Stand”, that movie was terrible and I cast it down to Hades where it UNGLORIOUSLY belongs. I remember this small, short-lived show that truly brought fun to everything there is to bring about people with special gifts and how people respond to them, before the public knew of their powers and after.

   This show gave a new perspective to the X-men while still getting the story lines and the relationships just right. I truly miss it and for it to be on Netflix gives me a very fond nostalgic breeze. I give this show 4 out of 5 shields, as it EPICALLY deserves. With that I take my leave whales, are you excited for the new “X-Men: Days of Future Past” film coming in? This is Dr. Sparta, giving a nice prescription FOR THE X-Men GLORY!

Netflix Addiction: G.I. Joe: Retaliation

My dearest whales and whalettes, back when I was but a wee little Hunter Sparta, my father would give me G.I. Joes to show me the beautiful arts of combat. I would entertain myself with vicious battles that would tear them limb from limb and later on enjoy the spoils of war with my sisters’ Barbies. My memory seems distant of this time so long ago but with G.I. Joe some memories came back and yet others stayed way buried where they belong.

With the first G.I. Joe movie being the catastrophe that it was, the most skeptical of skepticisms invaded me once I sat down to witness the next possible train wreck. Wait a second my brothers and sisters… is that The ROCK? This already seems like an improvement. Upon watching the shootout and apparent the death-stricken Duke, I GLORIOUSLY say this is an EPIC improvement to the previous title. Now, far away from being a solid good, this movie at least gives more action and decent acting, but like my childhood memories of my G.I. Joes, the presence of Bruce Willis and The ROCK weren’t enough to merit a solid stay down memory lane as I almost completely forgot the rest of the movie except for the two previously mentioned favorite actors.  There are ninja fights though, that was cool.

Being a fan of Bruce Willis, The ROCK and G.I. Joe, I cannot complain with what I got. Tons of characters we came to love when we were small, savage creatures on the big screen portrayed with a big budget. I don’t know about you whales, but my thirst for action was quenched and I give this movie 3 and a half shields out of 5. With that I take my leave. Is it just me or is The Rock turning into The Hulk? This is Dr. Sparta, recommending paying a visit into your min, for childhood memories are the foundation to your personality in the future. That is truly where GLORY is remembered best!

Netflix Addiction: Devil

By Dr.Sparta

  Whales, my computer exploded. It shattered my hopes and my dreams. It destroyed my sanity. I had to call upon the gods to give me the tools to give life to a new one. With that quest now completed, let’s get back to finding awesome! That which I am about to watch on the screen of this maddening house of horrors known as Netflix is a mayor letdown that is only  welcome for someone with an unquenchable thirst for action, bloodletting, explosions and the occasional love story that ends in tragedy. It’s bad acting, it’s over the topness, it’s overall goofy quality… This is Devil. 

  My fellow Whales this movie delivered nothing but the last sentence above. It promised greatness, it lied. It promised GLORY! and it lied once again. At this point I wanted to end my computer for a second time, but I restrained myself. This “film” is centered on a group of people trapped in an elevator, one of them being the Devil. Every time the lights go out a soul is taken from within the elevator via slaughter. Up until this part, I was hooked, and then like a siren’s call draws men in, it pounced for the reveal. And it left a not bloody bad taste in everyone’s mouth. Then it went on being racist with the latino character being overly religious and how the detective has a tragic back-story. I would much rather just…dare I say it? Watch both VHS movies once again than sit through this.  

  This movie is most un-epic, it gives nothing that is new.  Like a politician, it is all promise and no delivery. Do not get me wrong whales and whalettes, I love being back, but with movies like this… I fear for what’s to come. With that I take my leave whales. But there is no question about this though, go witness this bad, BAD movie and judge it deeply. This is Dr. Sparta, GLORIOUSLY recommending not building your own computer without good specific instructions.

Netflix Addiction: Invasion of the Campbell

By. Dr.Sparta 

My brothers and sisters I have been treated with low budget gold! It’s a wonder that caught me off guard. It’s a tale of delightfulness and cheesy, cheap fun! You see, normally I witness some of the weirdest, awkward, boring, and sometimes wrong films. Some bring excitement, others shame. Some bring EPIC GLORY, while others leave a disastrous aftertaste. This one would leave a horrible aftertaste, as it offers all the right ingredients for a horribly bad experience. Oh, was I too soon to judge this masterpiece? If tales of people that can carry a film singlehandedly are true, this one is it. The tale of how Terminal Invasion was saved by one man and one man alone…BRUCE CAMPBELL.

At first it was just a typical low budget mess. My eyes were practically begging to be closed shut, away from the mess of cheap effects and poor acting, but then, whales and whalettes, Bruce came out and owned every second on air. I’m unsure in regards to the plot of this film, but apparently it’s about some foolish aliens attempting to kill Bruce and not friends. Who are we kidding; Bruce Campbell can take them easily. One thing to be aware of in this film: beware of vending machines…

If you are a fan of Sci-Fi films and of Bruce Campbell, experience this with open arms. If you do not enjoy the presence of a real MAN, sit it out and go watch my little pony. With that I take my leave whales. I shall commence rating from now on to explain movies that attempt to confuse my GLORY. I give this movie 3 out of 5 Shields, most given the Bruce ability to enhance any scene with smooth hilarious commentary. This is Dr. Sparta’s 1 out of 1 recommending any Bruce Campbell related media for any boredom or witty smooth one liner related problems.