Thursday, September 4, 2014

Sharknado Apocalypse is Near

by Dr. Sparta

My fellow whales, I've already tackled sharks before. I've seen two-headed sharks, ultra-violent sharks in Australia, but tornado-riding sharks are a first and a truly exhilarating experience. For the glory of its impossible, explosive, illogical return, I will take on both Sharknados.

Where could I even start with this epic, senseless, brutal tale, where people drive helicopters into shark-filled tornadoes to blow them up and save Los Angeles?. A man freezes a tornado on top of the Empire State Building and flies into the shark-filled skies wielding a chainsaw, slicing through a shark that eats him midair. Then he proceeds to grab a chain and ride another shark onto the top of the skyscraper shielding his fall from death. Yeah my whales, that is a true story within the movies. Granted, for all the good and refreshing things, they brought “Sharknado 2: The Second One”, and by what they presented, it made me think they forgot their roots; replacing some essentials with EPICNESS, which is NOT necessarily a GLORIOUS thing.

I do not believe in going into small details to decide over something, but the first Sharknado had its local area feel, with good characters. It had a white background for whenever they shielded inside their transports. “Sharknado 2: The Second One”, starts off the bat with a bombardment of cameos. All sorts of people unexpectedly pop up, bringing shame to themselves for ever being in something as WONDROUS as a Sharknado movie. My biggest complaint was Kurt Angle as a gentle fireman? He served no purpose being in that cameo. It felt unnecessary for that to have taken place, but no movie is without its flaws so I cannot complain or nitpick such an outstanding SyFy movie. 

My dear whales, if you like cheap outstanding, stupefying, outrageously ridiculous, and GLORIOUS pieces of work, then watch the Sharknado movies. They are a tale to witness, a force to be felt…A sight to be glued onto your brains. In all seriousness, Sharknadoes in New York? What’s next? This is Dr. Sparta, looking for chainsaws, shotguns, homemade bombs, and liquid nitrogen for the impending Sharknado Apocalypse... That’s it for today!

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