Thursday, April 24, 2014

10 Movies on Netflix You Probably Haven’t Seen but You Definitely Should (Part II, 5-1)


  We haven’t even begun to scrape the surface of the iceberg of weird yet! You may notice that many of the weird films on Netflix aren’t on this list. Off the top of my head I can name stuff like The Beast with a 1,000,000 Eyes, The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant, The ABC’s of Death, and all the great MST3K stuff (of which there is plenty). This is only a top 10 though and it mostly adheres to the kind of things I watch… Here are 5 more oddball films as stated, even if I can’t guarantee you’ll love them, I can guarantee you won’t see many films like these at your local theater these days.

5) Yoga: The Movie

                You ever wanted to do Yoga? Well you better not watch this movie. This is one of those Korean horror films that even the poster looks unsettling and scary. If you like the scare tactics in movies like The Ring and The Grudge, you’ll probably get a good kick out of this one. Korean horror films don’t normally get the recognition they deserve, they usually get overshadowed by their Japanese counterparts, so it’s good to see one of them get a spot on an American-centered market. Witchcraft, great scares, and some acting that’s better than this kind of horror movie actually deserves, Yoga will have you running away from people doing stretching exercises for a month.


4) FDR: American Badass

                The story-I’m-pretty-much-sure-is-based-on-real-events of how president FDR fights nazi werewolves in order to stop the spread of polio using his machine gun wheelchair. Read that last sentence again. If that doesn’t sell you, I don’t know what will. I’m not going to tell you that this movie is always funny, or that it’s better than the studio’s predecessor, Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury, but if you liked Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and thought “I can do with more of American presidents killing monsters”, then this is absolutely for you. (Also Abe Lincoln Vampire slayer has an asylum spoof that’s basically the same thing but with zombies and it is way better than the original. It has a line where Honest Abe is about to chop a zombie’s head off and he shouts “EMANCIPATE THIS!”. Great little exploitation film.)


3) Chasing the Kidneystone

                If your grandma ever gets a kidney stone remember: Shrink down and team up with her immune system to fight the kidney stone with your bare hands. Doctors don’t know shit. Punch that thing and be hilarious in the process. I’m serious, that’s what this movie is about. Let’s go through this: someone wrote, green-lighted, casted, shot, edited, promoted, and screened this film somewhere and no one ever thought “Huh, does this sound a bit…silly to you?”


2) Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

                I’m not going to lie, I love this movie. It is fun, above everything it doesn’t just depend on the weird premise to be funny; Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is actually trying to be a good film. Well, as good as something like this could be. This movie is so bizarre even when I re-watch it; I’m still surprised by how baffled I am during some parts. Is it something on the level of Night of the Lepus? No, not really, it’s not funny because it’s bad or fun because it’s weird. It’s just enjoyable beyond any right it has to be. But it is weird, in a great way.

1) Dogtooth

                I actually have no idea if this film is still on Netflix. I saw it once and I’ve never searched for it again. I can safely say that Dogtooth is one of the most disturbing and oddly original films I’ve ever seen. Maybe it’s because no one would ever do what this movie does onscreen. I am a very desensitized person, I play Happy Wheels for fun and the first time I watched Human Centipede I didn’t even blink. This movie got to me and shook my soul. It’s the story of a family in Greece with a very authoritarian father and… Look, this movie isn’t for the squeamish. It’s not disgusting, just wrong on so many levels. I try not to give much away when I talk about films just why you should watch it, but saying anything about this movie besides “you will hate yourself for having sat through all of it but you need to sit through all of it” would be a sin and should be enough to get all those curious enough a go at this… thing. This beautifully-wrong and hateful and terrible and captivating… occurrence in your life.

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