So You Wanna Play DnD? Part 2: The Rules

By Hemlock (Jose Otero)

   You know how people say that they don’t like reading Shakespeare because it’s “Old English”? But in actuality Old English sounds more like “Hwät! We Gâr-Dena in geâr-dagum þeód-cyninga þrym gefrunon, hû þâ äðelingas ellen fremedon. Oft Scyld Scêfing sceaðena þreátum.” (From Beowulf) and Shakespeare wrote more like “Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.”? Yeah, that’s the usual misconception of how DnD rules work. You want to see complicated rules? I suggest you open a BattleTech book for 5 minutes and try not to get dizzy. DnD rules are pretty simple though some editions are more complicated than others. Before you go ask your buddies to join you for a rousing night of goblin slaying, you need to pick what rules you’re going to run your game in.

   First thing’s first: there are 6 distinct rule sets for DnD distributed in 4 editions. First edition, advanced first edition, second edition, third edition, 3.5^th edition and fourth edition. If I had more time and space here I’d walk your through all the important aspects and differences between these categories and explain some others that exist out there. Instead, I’m just going to give you the gist of these editions and what you should be aware of before investing a substantial amount of cash in them. First off, of course, is First edition and advanced First edition, sometimes referred to as Advanced DnD or just ADnD. These are the early rule sets and have… flaws. Some classes are overpowered, other classes aren’t worth playing and the more modules you get the more complex and nonsensical it becomes. Despite the fact that rules in both editions are complicated they aren’t impossible to learn but it’s going to take you some significant reading time.

   Second edition is in my opinion the most convoluted system of any DnD game. For example: let’s say you’re holding a shield. Now you have to declare which way you’re facing. After that you need to know in what hand you hold the shield and what hand you hold your weapon. You get full defense bonus on the shield side, some bonus from the front, very little on your non-shielded side and you actually get penalties for being attacked from behind. And that’s just shields, wait until you get to complicated things like climbing walls and throwing spears. Yeah… Second edition is for experienced players with a need for more of a challenge and a tighter rule set. Do not be mistaken! These aren’t bad rules and it’s not a bad edition but it is not for new players. Back in my day it was a rite of passage to play through a second edition game. And it was not easy.

   So then comes third edition and 3.5. I have to admit these are my favorites. The rules are simpler but not too simple and there is a lot of fun mythos to work with. Lots of types of dragons, weird monsters, demons, gods, angels, locales and the cosmology are all a lot of fun to play with. There are very big differences between third and 3.5 but, again, I can’t spend too much time on them. If you want to play one of these I suggest you look up the differences and pick the one right for your group.

   Finally there’s fourth edition. Now fourth edition gets a lot of flak (A LOT of flak) for being very simple. Everything is streamlined, it’s more forgiving on the players and even the big sprawling mythos in past editions is simplified for new players eliminating some really cool stuff that was around in earlier editions. But I have to say teaching new players how to play fourth edition is a breeze. The DM does most of the work and the math is simple and easy with bonuses and penalties that don’t take hours to make sure you’re doing them right (second edition I’m looking at you). Learning the gist of the rules can take maybe an hour or two without getting into the really complex stuff which you can introduce slowly as the team becomes more accustomed to the rules. Is it the best? Probably not but it’s definitely the best was to introduce someone to the game.

   Before parting I have to point out there’s this new edition called DnD NEXT. I don’t know, I haven’t played it, I can’t tell you much about it except people tell me it’s… weird. Not as simple as fourth edition but not as complex as second with some oddball additions and bringing some old rules back that either make me happy or scratch my head. Once again I apologize for this very general description of the editions but it’s all about what’s right for you and your group and, of course, having fun.

Follow Hemlock and his crazy adventures in writing and DMing games on Twitter! @WritingOnHemlok

So You Wanna Play DnD? Part 1: What Am I Getting Into?

By. Hemlock

    Dungeons and Dragons is the staple of Roleplaying board games. Not even kidding, people who have never even heard of RPGs know what this game is. Every geek worth their salt has played for at least a couple of years. But the world of Roleplaying board games is so much bigger than just DnD. There are big challenging games like Pathfinder, atmospheric horror games like Call of C’thulhu, real time live-action roleplaying games like the World of Darkness series, overly-complicated situation-sensitive behemoths like Battletech and even games that help you recreate historic battles like Waterloo and whole war campaigns like Hannibal’s march on Rome. There’s superhero board games, adventure board games, board games where you build trains and cities and games where you try to catch Jack the Ripper or gather a crew to brave the deepest regions of space. So what is DnD? The tip of the iceberg and probably the best place to start learning how these puppies work.

     So… why DnD?  Why start with a game that has a system that has been reworked and polished by countless other games. Well for one it introduces you to the social requirements of a board game. Games like these take time to play and a DnD storyline could take anywhere between two or three games and a handful of decades to complete, especially if you’re going from level one to max level. So the first thing you’re gonna need is the skills to keep a game together, interact with other players and organize meetings. Also it introduces you pretty easily to your new best friend: the numbers. These games are big on numbers. Back in the days before computers could do more than calculate basic math, you had to keep track of everything by hand. Health, attacks, modifiers, armor, traveling, food, weight, speed, skills, talents, classes, even your roleplaying personality are all kept in check by numbers and categories. Yeah, I know, this sounds like preparing TPS reports for your job sometimes, but trust me, this game hasn’t lived through half a dozen editions and several decades by being a boring schlock.

 

      So where did DnD come from? In short: DnD was created by this wonderful human being called Gary Gygax and published in 1974. The idea supposedly came up while Gygax and some guys were playing one of those war campaign recreation games I mentioned two paragraphs ago. See, before DnD that was mostly what existed in terms of roleplaying board games: war games (Not the movie). They were fun if not a bit nut-crushingly complicated. So the late great Gygax had a thought: We’re here moving troops around… But what if you played an individual soldier? Add some well-marinated Tolkien and BAM! Gygax just Emeril Lagasse’d Dungeons and Dragons.

And this thing was huge, oh let me tell ya. It took the gaming world by storm, in that it CREATED the gaming world or at least made it what it is today. Suddenly there were thousands of people playing this all over the world. There were expansions, there were action figures, novels, it made videogames, people made cheap knockoffs and in the 80’s  it even began a series of scandals claiming that it promoted satanic worship contemporarily known as “The Satanic Panic”. There was even a movie about the supposedly true story of how the game ruined some kid’s life called “Mazes and Monsters” (based on the book of the same name) starring a young Tom Hanks. (Spoilers: It’s terrible)

   So there you go, now you know what DnD is. It’s been one hell of a ride but we are just starting! In this series of articles I’m hoping to cover all the basics of DnD: how to make a group, how to make a character, what’s a Dungeon Master, how to make a campaign, what editions to use, the different playing styles, monsters and mythos among many many many many many other possible topics. Plus we’ll probably dive into the world of board games outside DnD with stuff like Champions, licensed games, Shadowrun, Pathfinder, World of Darkness and maybe some more oddball roleplaying experiences like Munchkin and Letters from Whitechapel. So get ready for a very different kind of gaming.

10 Movies on Netflix You Probably Haven’t Seen but You Definitely Should (Part II, 5-1)

By.Hemlock

  We haven’t even begun to scrape the surface of the iceberg of weird yet! You may notice that many of the weird films on Netflix aren’t on this list. Off the top of my head I can name stuff like The Beast with a 1,000,000 Eyes, The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant, The ABC’s of Death, and all the great MST3K stuff (of which there is plenty). This is only a top 10 though and it mostly adheres to the kind of things I watch… Here are 5 more oddball films as stated, even if I can’t guarantee you’ll love them, I can guarantee you won’t see many films like these at your local theater these days.

5) Yoga: The Movie

                You ever wanted to do Yoga? Well you better not watch this movie. This is one of those Korean horror films that even the poster looks unsettling and scary. If you like the scare tactics in movies like The Ring and The Grudge, you’ll probably get a good kick out of this one. Korean horror films don’t normally get the recognition they deserve, they usually get overshadowed by their Japanese counterparts, so it’s good to see one of them get a spot on an American-centered market. Witchcraft, great scares, and some acting that’s better than this kind of horror movie actually deserves, Yoga will have you running away from people doing stretching exercises for a month.

                                                       

4) FDR: American Badass

                The story-I’m-pretty-much-sure-is-based-on-real-events of how president FDR fights nazi werewolves in order to stop the spread of polio using his machine gun wheelchair. Read that last sentence again. If that doesn’t sell you, I don’t know what will. I’m not going to tell you that this movie is always funny, or that it’s better than the studio’s predecessor, Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury, but if you liked Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and thought “I can do with more of American presidents killing monsters”, then this is absolutely for you. (Also Abe Lincoln Vampire slayer has an asylum spoof that’s basically the same thing but with zombies and it is way better than the original. It has a line where Honest Abe is about to chop a zombie’s head off and he shouts “EMANCIPATE THIS!”. Great little exploitation film.)

 

3) Chasing the Kidneystone

                If your grandma ever gets a kidney stone remember: Shrink down and team up with her immune system to fight the kidney stone with your bare hands. Doctors don’t know shit. Punch that thing and be hilarious in the process. I’m serious, that’s what this movie is about. Let’s go through this: someone wrote, green-lighted, casted, shot, edited, promoted, and screened this film somewhere and no one ever thought “Huh, does this sound a bit…silly to you?”

 

2) Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

                I’m not going to lie, I love this movie. It is fun, above everything it doesn’t just depend on the weird premise to be funny; Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is actually trying to be a good film. Well, as good as something like this could be. This movie is so bizarre even when I re-watch it; I’m still surprised by how baffled I am during some parts. Is it something on the level of Night of the Lepus? No, not really, it’s not funny because it’s bad or fun because it’s weird. It’s just enjoyable beyond any right it has to be. But it is weird, in a great way.

1) Dogtooth

                I actually have no idea if this film is still on Netflix. I saw it once and I’ve never searched for it again. I can safely say that Dogtooth is one of the most disturbing and oddly original films I’ve ever seen. Maybe it’s because no one would ever do what this movie does onscreen. I am a very desensitized person, I play Happy Wheels for fun and the first time I watched Human Centipede I didn’t even blink. This movie got to me and shook my soul. It’s the story of a family in Greece with a very authoritarian father and… Look, this movie isn’t for the squeamish. It’s not disgusting, just wrong on so many levels. I try not to give much away when I talk about films just why you should watch it, but saying anything about this movie besides “you will hate yourself for having sat through all of it but you need to sit through all of it” would be a sin and should be enough to get all those curious enough a go at this… thing. This beautifully-wrong and hateful and terrible and captivating… occurrence in your life.